The following text is an excerpt from a conversation with Todd Goodwin, Board Certified Hypnotist at GoodwinHypnosis.com, who was interviewed by Conor Flynn, host of the Rx Podcast (DrinkRxCoffee.com), on July 30, 2018.
This 11th segment further explores the potentially harmful influence of social interactions, especially for the vast majority of people who are followers, not leaders.
CONOR: Everybody I feel like everybody in the business world’s been in that situation, you’re talking about the dinner table where everybody’s ordering a glass of wine or drink, and you know, they want to do a cheers or toast. And you’re sitting there and you’re thinking about well, I want to work out tomorrow. tonight. I don’t want to. I’m on a diet. I don’t want to drink. How do you suggest people deal with them? Is it like Nancy Reagan? Just Say No.
TODD: Well, yeah, I mean, it’s sometimes not that easy. But yes, strictly speaking, you can just say no. I think it really comes down to what kind of person do you want to be? Now most people are followers, most people are secretly begging to be led. Most people are sheep. And there’s a shepherd somewhere willing to lead them. And sometimes our shepherds do not have our best interest at heart. And usually they don’t, because they have their own agenda. If you are a leader, whatever that means, whether you choose to be a leader of a company or a movement, or a tribe, or you want to be a leader in your own life, and not just a follower that just goes with the flow of whatever the waves are bringing in that day into the shore, then you owe it to yourself to follow through with what is important to you. And if working out the next day or avoiding alcohol for a period of time is important, then to be a leader is to say, in your mind, no matter what anyone else is doing, “I’m going to have the soft drink, I’m going to have the water, the iced tea, the spritzer with cranberry juice, whatever it might be.” Because you are in charge of your life and you’re the leader of yourself. And ultimately, you’re the one who’s going to bear the responsibility and the consequences of your actions. No one else will. If you drink too much, even if it’s one drink, and it affects your performance the next day, no one else is going to suffer. It’s you. So we kind of regress to this adolescent need to be accepted, even if we’re a bunch of people in suits and business outfits.
CONOR: I like to call those costumes.
TODD: Right? Well, then the thing is, we’re still in many ways, most people are still children, but they’re just in big kids’ bodies. But here’s the interesting thing I found with a client recently. I had this very conversation. This woman was in a group, and most of the people ordered wine, but it turned out that most people really didn’t want wine. But they were afraid of being the one person who didn’t drink. So everyone got wine, but very few even wanted it. What if you go to an environment where no one really wants to drink, but everyone’s doing it because they don’t want to be the one person that doesn’t. Everyone is living a lie, because they’re afraid of being the one person who’s the outsider.
So basically, everyone rejects their own true desire, which suppresses self-worth, because it puts other people’s needs ahead of your own and it devalues you and your own wants and needs. And it says what you want or need for yourself is unimportant. You’re going to succumb to the social pressure of what you perceive other people want. And then everyone drinks alcohol. No one really wants it. I’m not saying this in general, but in this kind of situation, hypothetically, imagine that how foolish that is. I said to her, she’s a CEO, and I said, “You’re a leader, right?” She said, “Yes, in my business.” I said, “Then take the lead in your life. And if you decide you want to quit drinking, then…” And she interrupted, “Well, I have to, you know, I don’t want to be anti-social.” I said, “Where did that belief come from? That it’s anti-social to not drink alcohol. That’s a mind virus, isn’t it? Who hypnotized you to believe that?” And that’s the society we live in. She had this belief, which was the root issue. Now, there may be other things going on in her life, but for this particular environment, she had a belief, Conor, that said, basically, to be social with potential clients and business associates, she needed to drink alcohol. Now, clinically speaking, that’s bullshit, right? I mean, fundamentally, that’s not true. But she believed it and therefore felt uncomfortable, because she needed to be social to get the business or to interact with these people. I hear this a lot. “Well, we’re going to be around business associates, I have to.” Who said you can’t raise some other drink? I mean, you know, people don’t even realize why they why they clink glasses and say cheers.
CONOR: Wasn’t that something to do about people sitting in a round table, and they are worried about the other people poisoning them. So that spilled a drink, and everybody’s to make sure, if I’m getting poisoned, you’re going to get poisoned.
TODD: From what I understand. That’s what it is. Of course, it was with usually metal or porcelain, you don’t do it with a glass. You’re supposed to do it hard so that you’re really sloshing the drinks.
The next segment shares a client example of how “it’s not just what you’re eating but what’s eating you” that really counts.